Into the Woods: "I've the cow and the cape!" "You've the cape" {pause} "What did you do with the cow?"
"You can talk to birds?"
plus all those other fabulous quotes that people have already posted
Man Who Came to Dinner: "I smell a rat Sherri, a rat with a beard"
"And there was Lorraine Sheldon, snug as a bug in somebody's bed on the Normandie"
there's also a few really good one's in Crazy for You but I can't for the life of me remember them!
Do not put your faith in a cape and a hood.
They will not protect you the way that they should.
~Into the Woods
"There is no plague! You are trying to raise cows on the side of a MOUNTAIN!!!" ~Meredith Parker, Bat Boy
You guys are doing so GREAT!! Keep the funny lines coming!! They are a real pick me up!! "This is enough to pay for four weddings,.... and a funeral!"
"All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism -- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."
Conan O'Brien
Falsettoland: "Stop with the prayers" "How can you stop with the prayers at a bar mitzvah?!"
"We're sitting and watching Jason play baseball, we're watching Jason play baseball, we're watching Jewish boys who cannot play baseball play baseball"
"Look, look, look it's the lesbian from next door" "And here's her lover who's a lesbian from next door too"
I keep thinking of lines but then I go to post them and I forget - I'll keep working on it!
Do not put your faith in a cape and a hood.
They will not protect you the way that they should.
~Into the Woods
"There is no plague! You are trying to raise cows on the side of a MOUNTAIN!!!" ~Meredith Parker, Bat Boy
ok I've thought about it and i've got some more ITW ones:
"Someday you'll have a real pet Jack" "A piggy?"
"What kind of hunter are you?!" "I'm a baker!"
"Two princes, each more handsome then the next....no - get the hair..."
"Because of the way you treated me I will never be happy!" "I was just trying to be a good mother!"
"Excuse me, would you like a blind girl instead?"
hahaha
Do not put your faith in a cape and a hood.
They will not protect you the way that they should.
~Into the Woods
"There is no plague! You are trying to raise cows on the side of a MOUNTAIN!!!" ~Meredith Parker, Bat Boy
Arguably the single funniest line ever written by an American playwright:
"I can't take it anymore, Felix, I'm cracking up. Everywhere I look there are little notes on my pillows. I've told you a hundred and forty-eight times I can't stand little notes on my pillows. 'We're out of toilet paper- F.U. IT TOOK ME THREE AND A HALF HOURS TO FIGURE OUT THAT F.U. MEANT FELIX UNGER!!!"
"AAAAAAARGH!! SOMEONE SENT ME A BOWEL MOVEMENT!!!!!!" --Divine, upon opening a care package in "Pink Flamingoes".
And from "A Little Night Music"
Footman: "Allow me." Petra: (Seductively) "Allow you to what?"
"Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.”
~ Muhammad Ali
Oh, you remember the awful things they said about what's-her-name before she jumped out the window? There. You see? I can't even remember her name so who cares?
In my ivory tower Life was just a hostess snack But now i've tasted chocolate And i'm never going back!
-Matt
"Noah, someday we'll talk again. But there's things we'll never say. That sorrow deep inside you. It inside me, too. And it never go away. You be okay. You'll learn how to lose things..."
And from YAGMCB Sally: "Yes... I mean NO!" Barbara
"All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism -- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."
Conan O'Brien
Another funny one This time from Ave. Q "Guys.. Jesus was Jewish!!" Keep the funny lines coming. We allcould use the giggles B
"All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism -- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."
Conan O'Brien
I love a lot of Jimmy's lines...he's a great character...
Aida:
When Zoser is saying what a beautiful girl Amneris is and he would have went with her if he knew she'd grow up so nicely and Radames goes, "It's not too late!" Adam delivered that line PERFECTLY.
"All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism -- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."
Conan O'Brien
"Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss..... Ssss?" - Carmen Ghia, "The Producers"
Actually, almost every line of his in that entire scene cracks me up.
"Hello. You have reached the living room of renowned theatrical director Roger Debris' elegant Upper East Side townhouse on a sunny Tuesday afternoon in June."
"May I take your hats, coats, and swastikas?"
"If your intent was to shoot an arrow through my heart... BULLSEYE!"
Oh, good stuff. I hope the movie does the show justice.
"Goodness is rewarded. Hope is guaranteed. Laughter builds strong bones. Right will intercede. Things you've said I often find I need, indeed. I see the world through your eyes. What's black and white is colorized. The knowledge you most dearly prized I'm eager to employ. You said that life has infinite joys."