The problem with a lot of these lines are they're only funny if they are said the right way. The line in TMM for example, about Tom Sawyer. When Sutton said it it practically stopped the show, whereas when Amanda Holden said it, not a person in the house chuckled...
i cant rember the exact line but both when morrible says it and galinda says it the line that something like "she think you will do well...i don't share her praise... i hope you will prove me wrong...i doubt you will"
i know tahts not it but its so good and also from wicked "well, theres no place like home"
e- are you done g- yes e- good(slaps back)
that show is hilarious
so isnt ameneris in aida. and lots of stuff in ITW
""the gays love their presents. just wave something shiny in front of their faces, you can get whatever you want. Thats how we got manhattan from the gay indians" -Karen (W&G)"
From "Brooklyn", courtesy of Ms. Paradice (yes, Paradice with a 'C'...you'll hear why when you see the show):
"Well Superman ain't packin' no rocket, 'cuz his red, shiny cape hangs in my bedroom closet."
"Like Sampson and Delilah, like Adam and Eve, women like me bring men to their knees. Read about it...it's in your bible!"
"So now what's this I hear about teachers and parents picketing outside this very theater? Saying I'm robbing their kids of their innocence? Like I'm some wicked witch of the hood, or somethin'."
"You act like you're cleaner than the Board of Heath, but you're just a fame ho just like me. You know it...and you LOVE it!"
-Paradice to Brooklyn
Harold: I keep my grass in the medicine cabinet in the Band Aid box. Somebody told me it's the safest place. If the cops arrive, you can always lock yourself in the bathroom and flush it down the john. Hank: Very cagey. Harold: Makes more sense to where I was keeping it: in the oregano jar in the spice rack. I kept forgetting it and accidentally turning my hateful mother on with a salad. But I think she liked it. No matter what meal she comes over for, even if it was breakfast, she says [in his mother's voice] Harold: "Let's have a salad!" ----------------------------------------------------------------- From "The Man Who Came To Dinner":
Sheridan Whiteside: My Great Aunt Jennifer ate a whole box of candy every day of her life. She lived to be 102, and when she had been dead three days, she looked better than you do now. -----------------------------------------------------------------
From "Private Lives":
Amanda: Extraordinary how potent cheap music is.
"What a story........ everything but the bloodhounds snappin' at her rear end." -- Birdie
[http://margochanning.broadwayworld.com/]
"The Devil Be Hittin' Me" -- Whitney
'What poor, unfortunate creature died for you to wear THAT? My Aunt Trudy, I replied.'
'He was a dungeons and dragons-playing, jesus-loving FREAK. I found him very.....*drinks* hot.'(That one's not totally accurat,e but it's something like that.)
"I really liked the show--Wish I saw Boy's Night...Am I allowed as I am not a boy anymore:)"-duffyny1
1776- FRANKLIN: Treason is a charge invented by winners as an excuse for hanging the losers. ADAMS: I've got more to do than stand here listening to you quote yourself. FRANKLIN: No, that was a new one.
I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace, that two are called a law firm, and that three or more become a Congress! - Adams
URINETOWN- "Whaaaaa?!?!"
INTO THE WOODS- I was raised to be charming, not sincere. - Cinderella's Prince
CHICAGO- If Jesus Christ had lived in Chicago and if he'd had five thousand dollars, things would have turned out differently. - Billy Flynn
or there is always " Naked princess back here" from Aida
"All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism -- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."
Conan O'Brien
Wang: ...This is the first time Ta has ever stayed away all night. What could he be doing? Madam Liang: If this was a quiz program I could win a trip to Europe.
This line from "Flower Drum Song" always got a laugh from me.
OOO-StateofJade you stole mine from Into The Woods.Another from it:
Baker's Wife:This is not right you have a princess and I have....a baker
"Did you know that if you take the first two vowels in Olive and rearrange them it spells I-Love?"-Spelling Bee
"It's night like this that hotel bars were specifically made." Light In The Piazza
"put the earmuffs on the cookie" - Niki in Avenue Q - listen carefully to what he says when he's talking in his sleep in "fantasies come true" it's really funny!!
"my greatest fear is that i've already achieved my damn purpose in life and i'm on a slow walk to the grave" - Gary Coleman in Avenue Q - the look on John Tartaglia's face after that line is priceless (not verbatum but as close as i remember)
Avenue Q is the most hysterical show ever! you've gotta admit it!
Amneris waits in the bed chamber for Radames "Radames come claim your kingdom...Radames! You barge into my bed chamber waging a full frontal attack, so to speak, and now you're stalling! Why? "
Radames: "I'm sorry I didn't realize..."
Amneris: "There's a buck naked princess lounging in her bed calling your name, what exactly didn't you realize? Before our wedding night pack up some of that dried monkey meat and have the royal cartographer draw you a map of the female body captain! Maybe then you'll be more inclined to come explore!! [he leaves] was it something is said?"