"Pharaoh's Dreams Explained" from Joseph: "All these things you saw in your pajamas Are a long-range forecast for your farmers" There are many other times in that show where he rhymes "--or" with "--aw". I hate half-rhymes, but the one above just makes me so angry whenever I hear it.
It only doesn't work if you're American. "Pyjamas" and "farmers" rhymes just fine in the UK. :P
My favourite terribly-lyriced Frank Wildhorn song is 'Missing You (My Bill)' from The Civil War. It's BEAUTIFULLY cringeworthy!
The lyrics of Legs Diamond are the absolute worst. Not just rhyming but the whole of the content. There are rhymes of "shelf", "wealth," and "else" in one song. But the one that always sticks out for me is the production number "I Was Made For Champagne."
Kiki: I was made for champagne/but don't get me wrong I'm still glad I came Boys: From those Virgin Islands! Kiki: Oh, I've never been there!
Truly sad, but amazing that this score got recorded and you can hear it in all its oddity. It is just crammed with poor lyrics.
The Human Comedy is a beautiful score and teh story is great, but the Besoyan scribed lyrics could use some fine tuning. Can't cite anything directly off the top o me 'ead.
I dont know if its cringe worthy, but this little gem from Beautiful Game always made me smile
WHAT IF I'M NOT SUBLIME? NO CASANOVA. I'VE HAD A COUPLE. BIRTHDAY SUIT. BREWERS DROOP. I'M SO SHY. HOW CAN I GET MY LEG OVER? HOPE THERE'S LEAD IN MY PENCIL WHEN I LOSE MY CHERRY THIS VERY FIRST TIME.
HAVE I GOT ALL THE RIGHT INFORMATION? WHICH POSITION DOES A GIRL PREFER? I FEAR PREMATURE EJACULATION 'COS MY GOD I DON'T HALF FANCY HER.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/27199361@N08/ Phantom at the Royal Empire Theatre
We may be diff'rent as night and day But we're sisters in every way And how about a shout for the sisterhood? Sisters!
Wedding belles Sounds of joy, sounds of laughter Wedding belles Saying love ever after Wedding belles Singing "Here Comes the Bride" Wedding belles Friends by your side...
Look at that girl with Morty Cushman from Queens Her tush in them jeans Is not what you call schlock Even though her voice can stop the clock!
I no longer wear that hat that made me a middle-aged brat No more drama, ambition - got none of those addictions I was trapped with nowhere to run But I fought for my life And I won!
Gonna be outrageous! Contagious!
Every part of me begs to stay But I don't have the strength, I just can't break away I don't care if they call me a fool I'll take, I'll take it! I'll take that ridicule...
So be with us You just can't lose Come join the club You've already paid your dues!
AND THE WINNER:
Latex and leather I'm smart as a whip There's no doubt she's slipped out of her Freudian slip! She's called a shrink, but sir No shrinkage will occur She's not a slouch I make full use of my couch!
Updated On: 6/2/10 at 06:06 PM
I have to admit, with all its flaws, I love the Legs Diamond cast recording. Yes, it has some silly lyrics, but I really love most of the melodies, even those that don't stylistically fit the setting well like Sure Thing Baby. Speakeasy is the only track I generally skip.
And I love taking the opportunity to use "I'll have a perfect Pousse Cafe" any chance I get.
"What can you expect from a bunch of seitan worshippers?" - Reginald Tresilian
I would say the "For Good" lyrics, it starts off really nice, but then all that talk about comets, and birds...it just awful! Lovely melody, lazy lyrics!
I thought it was all a flash in the pan. It wasn't until Broadway came along that I felt I had really made it.
-Julie Andrews
re: the McMurphy lyrics in N2N, I've always loved the fact that they reference Cuckoo's Nest outright, because some of the audience is bound to be thinking about it already.
My contribution to the bad lyrics game is from the epically awful Dance of the Vampires:
Garlic! Garlic! The secret to staying young Garlic! Garlic! It's why we're so well-hung
I like the ditch-plow line in Wild Party- it's a fairly obvious double entendre on Kate's sexual promiscuity, as it's implied that she "plows" several men, or is alleged to have in the past, over the course of the book and the show.
This makes me cringe for a different reason. Has there ever been a more racist tune on braodway?:
Peter Pan Ugg-a-Wugg>
Both: We'll be coming willy nilly lilly beat on a drum (boom boom boom boom) and I will come (boom boom boom boom Peter Pan: And I will come and save the brave noble redskin
It's not a bad lyric, but in The Night That Goldman Spoke at Union Square, the line about Younger Brother masturbating caught me a bit off guard. It's just doesn't seem to fit with the rest of Ragtime. I remember sitting in the theatre thinking, "Where the hell did that come from?"
Re: that Ragtime lyric, it's actually a reference to the novel, where Mother's Younger Brother is a MUCH more sexual and creepy character.
About next to normal, I don't mind the Cuckoo's Nest line, but I've always hated "and it's cheese." Also the line, "you've got it, yay, hooray!" ...really?
I love listening to Legs Diamond too, Matt, and Speakeasy is one of my favorite numbers, oddly. Legs also has some of my favorite artwork for a musical.
Oy, Legs Diamond. I remember my shock back when I found out that not only had the score been recorded but it was on CD. I had read about Legs in Not Since Carrie and Theater Week after the fact and it seemed like it was so awful it would never be recorded. I mean, what absolute catastrophe lasts under 80 performances and receives a fully orchestrated cast recording from a major label like RCA? I don't believe Peter payed for it himself, but it may be possible that's how it happened. If that's the case I give him credit.
More awful lyrics:
All I wanted was the dream Not like anybody else I didn't want it pushed aside forgotten on a shelf I wanted laughs and lots of lovers and limitless wealth For the whole world to see (he totally belts out "world" like Judy)
It's actually a lovely song with inspired orchestrations. Listen below at YT.
Anyone remember some of the childish lyrics from Marilyn: An American Fable?
"It's my night, Sammy, all mine, Sammy, And you can't give it, you're well-known whammy"
But then, check out any of Ms. Bacall's Greatest Hits. "But Alive" is too easy a target. Go to THE FAN. The only musical number with a mimed kick in the ass at the end of a line.
"I'm a comedian, but in my spare time, things bother me." Garry Shandling
The lyrics in Maury Yeston and Arthur Kopit's Phantom have some "winners."
"The Opera's Been Invaded By a Phantom!" has the best worst lyrics ever, IMHO:
"Phantom! The opera's been invaded by a phantom! The opera's been invaded by a phantom! Phantom! The opera's been invaded by a ghost. By a ghost. By a ghost! By a ghost! By a ghost! If you follow him, you're following a phantom."
I listened to the Les Miserables score for the first time in a long time thanks to the movie trailer coming out, and while for the most part the lyrics are at least serviceable, "Valjean's Soliloquy" contains the gem:
"Yet why did I allow that man/ to touch my soul and teach me love?"
HA. So cheeseball, and not in a good way like much of the rest of that musical. There's a part of me hoping that they'll just cut that one little line for length so I don't have to cringe at it onscreen in December, but it probably won't happen, more's the pity.